Most men don't avoid therapy because they think it won't work. They avoid it because the version of therapy they imagine doesn't match who they are. They picture being told to talk about their feelings on cue, getting handed a worksheet, or sitting across from someone who won't understand their life. If that is the picture in your head, it makes sense that you have put it off. The good news is that real therapy, with the right therapist, looks very little like that.
At Green Willow Counseling in Murray, Utah, Jacob Fike works specifically with men navigating anxiety, grief, relationship strain, and the kind of life transitions that don't have an obvious manual. This post is about why men tend to stay away, what changes when they finally go, and how to tell whether it is worth your time.
Reasons men don’t go to therapy
Ask any man why he hasn't gone to therapy and you will usually hear something practical. Too busy. Too expensive. Not needed. Don't know where to start. Those are real, and they are also often standing in front of the actual reasons.
The deeper ones tend to sound like this. I should be able to handle this myself. Talking about it will just make it worse. I don't even know what I would say. I don't want to sit there and be analyzed. Underneath all of those is usually one belief: that needing help is a failure rather than a normal response to a hard stretch of life.
That belief can be damaging and harmful. It is why men are far less likely to seek mental health support and far more likely to wait until something breaks before they do. By the time many men reach out, they are not dealing with one problem anymore. They are dealing with the original problem plus years of trying to outwork it, push it down, or wait it out.
What therapy actually looks like for men
Good therapy is not a man being coached to show his emotions and be someone he isn’t. It is a working relationship aimed at a problem you want help with.
With Jacob, the work is client-led, which means you set the agenda around what matters most to you right now. It is also rooted in depth and analytical psychology, which is a longer way of saying: instead of only managing symptoms on the surface, you look at the patterns underneath them. The reason you keep ending up in the same argument. The reason a career change you wanted feels like grief. The reason the anxiety shows up in your body before your mind knows what it is.
That root-level work tends to land with men who have already tried the surface-level fixes and found them thin. You have read the books. You know you should sleep more and treat your body and mind better. The skills were never the missing piece. Understanding why the pattern holds is.
Jacob also brings practical tools when they help. Cognitive behavioral techniques to interrupt a thought spiral, motivational work to build momentum when you feel stuck, and somatic awareness for the stress that lives in your body. The mix depends on you, not a script.
Jacob has a varied background he’s learned from
Before becoming a therapist, Jacob worked as a carpenter, a farmer, a yoga teacher, and a health coach. That matters more than it might sound. Men often hesitate to open up to someone they assume can't relate to their world. Sitting across from a therapist who has framed a wall, worked a field, and run a business of his own changes that calculation. There is no translation step. He already speaks the language of people who define themselves partly through their work and their hands.
It also shapes how he sees healing. There is no single right way to do it, and the whole person matters, not just what is happening in your head.
Grief is often the door
For a lot of men, grief is the one experience that finally makes therapy feel allowed. The death of a parent, the end of a marriage, a friend gone too soon, or even the quieter losses, like the version of your life you thought you would be living by now.
Grief does not follow a clean timeline, and it rarely stays in the lane people expect. It shows up as irritability, as numbness, as a short fuse with the people you love most. Working through it with someone does not mean dwelling in it. It means moving through it instead of carrying it indefinitely.
If grief is what brought you to this page, that is a completely legitimate reason to reach out. It is often the most honest one.
How to know if therapy is working
You do not have to take therapy on faith. A few signs tell you it is doing its job. You start noticing a pattern while it is happening instead of a week later. The thing that used to set you off loses some of its grip. You feel more like yourself, not less. And you leave most sessions with something to think about rather than just something to vent about.
If you are not getting that, the answer is not to give up on therapy. It is usually to find the right fit. The relationship between you and your therapist is the single biggest predictor of whether the work helps, which is exactly why finding someone you can actually talk to matters more than any particular method.
If you are in Salt Lake County and thinking about it
Jacob Fike is a male therapist in Murray, Utah, currently accepting new clients. He works with teens and adults ages 16 and up, in person at the Green Willow office and over telehealth anywhere in Utah. He is LGBTQ+ affirming, trauma-informed, and works with anxiety, depression, grief, relationships, men's issues, and major life transitions.
You do not need to have a crisis to start. You do not need to know what you would say. You just need to be willing to look at what has been keeping you stuck, with someone whose job is to help you change it.
Ready to talk to someone who gets it? Schedule with Jacob or call Green Willow Counseling at (385) 436-2075. Most major insurance accepted, including PEHP, EMI, Select Health, Regence/BCBS, and University of Utah plans.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions about therapy for men
Why do men avoid therapy?
Many men avoid therapy because they feel like they should be able to handle things on their own, worry they will not know what to say, or assume therapy will not fit who they are or how they live.
What does therapy with Jacob Fike look like?
Jacob’s approach is client-led, practical, and rooted in depth and analytical psychology. Sessions focus on what matters most to you while also looking at the deeper patterns, past experiences, and root causes that may be keeping you stuck.
Do I need to be in crisis to start therapy?
No. Therapy can help with anxiety, grief, relationship strain, depression, trauma, life transitions, or simply feeling stuck. You do not need to wait until things fall apart.
Can therapy help men with grief?
Yes. Grief often shows up as sadness, numbness, irritability, anger, or feeling unlike yourself. Therapy can help you move through loss instead of carrying it alone.
Does Jacob work with men’s issues?
Yes. Jacob has a particular interest in supporting men through difficult life transitions, relationship concerns, anxiety, grief, and the patterns that keep them stuck.
Does Jacob offer in-person and telehealth therapy?
Yes. Jacob works with teens and adults ages 16 and up in person at Green Willow Counseling in Murray, Utah, and through telehealth anywhere in Utah.
AUTHOR
Jacob Fike, ACMHC
Jacob works with teens and adults ages 16+ navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, relationships, men’s issues, and major life transitions. His approach is client-led, trauma-informed, and rooted in analytical and depth psychology, with practical tools like CBT, motivational interviewing, and mind-body awareness when helpful.